Sunday, February 12, 2006
okay, so i'm insane.
i've decided to start blogging all over again.
will change blogskin as soon as possible, but that comes later, i guess.
so, i'm back.
i find i somehow miss blogging, versus pouring my thoughts into my letters. strange. my journal i found my dad read, and lost the sense of security in writing in it. writing in chinese is too hard (even if he barely understands it), and i don't know how to speak/write swihali/german. so...
funny that i find security in blogging than in my journal. am i making sense? it's not logical at all...
school seems to be an endless cycle of homework, interesting discussions in class, classes where i'd like to just doze off, and classes that i really nearly do doze off in. time seems to lose its meaning and distinct dividing measurements when your life is centered around so small a universe.
in other words, i think i really need to get out more.
somehow this year i seem to have become more thoughtful, and more mature, in a sense. i get this feeling that somehow my fourteenth birthday will mean more to me than my thirteenth.
oh yes! and i found out my birthday this year also happens to be mardi gras. you know, fat tuesday in latin (i think), and just before lent. weirdness. i just wonder whether it'd ever happen again in my lifetime.
i highly doubt anyone is ever going to visit this, but whatever. it's good to be back. =)
can't you feel the beat?
10:53 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2005
well, i guess this was coming. given i haven't updated since i don't know how long.
given i've been on hiatus for so long.
and that obviously nobody actually tags.
it's kinda pathetic, esp. since this blog has only around five posts on it.
c'est la vie?
i started out blogging for fun. i suppose it's also because i was influenced by - practically everyone.
i think i've lost so much interest in actually keeping this thing up. having to filter through my myriad of thoughts. maybe it's just me, but i can't really keep up with daily events fast enough. words don't flow like that for me.
memories like faded petals falling.
trying to save them like this just won't happen.
so i guess this is goodbye, at least for now.
p.s.: funny how part of me still desperately wants to keep blogging, as i write this last post. i don't think i really know how to let go.
maybe i'll come back. maybe. someday.
can't you feel the beat?
12:10 AM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
okay, so i'm blogging again. *eyeroll* i really suck so bad. errk. i mean, the day before geog paper, the worst of all, and i decide to blog now?
ohwell.
i think i'm crazy.
and given the way i've been acting these past few days, i'd say that's a yes.
somehow, although this sounds crazy, i'm happier now than i've been all term. at least it feels like something's actually happening; that i'm actually doing all this for a reason. even if it's probably going to burn me to the ground. oh well.
"stress, it's a killer, sir."
hmm, by day,
dayone: english. the compre was cool, but hardddd, as ms huang had said. i guess it was generally all right. at least it was gerald durrell though, something bearably nice. (: compo, however, was a killer. seriously, if the teacher marking it fails me, i won't blame her. i was seriously distracted trying to think of a plot for a good half-hour, and kept thinking of this story by catherine lee, and also last year's winning commonwealth esaay. stupidstupid me. why do i always have to try things i know i can't really do?! i seriously went so far away from the question, q1.
daytwo: ermm...more bearable than i thought? i did surprisingly well, for how utterly hopeless a case i am in for chinese. oh well. have no idea how i managed to write 2+ pages for both. i am scary. papertwo was alllright, i guess. though i don't think i'll do that well, and i seriously crapped for the last qn. i was so out of ideas. oh well.
and today, daythree: it was...okay? not spectacularly brilliant, but hopefully enough to get 4.0 for hist. know it's impossible for me to get 4.0 for science, but i hope i can at least get a high 3.6...crapped for the nutrition question for bio, and rushed the end part badly. and then checked for the last 4 mins. tsktsk. don't know how i wrote 6 sides for section A for hist though. 6 pgs in all! i must be insane.
ohwell. i'm going to mug for geog. i'm not going to fail this!!
or am i? goodluck to me and to all. chele, out.
can't you feel the beat?
9:18 PM
Monday, August 22, 2005
ON HIATUS UNTIL EVERYTHING CLEARS UP AND LIFE GOES BACK TO NORMAL. PROBABLY WHEN THERE ARE NO MORE PEETEES DUE OR WHATEVER. I'M NOT SAYING FOR SURE.
i don't really want to yet. maybe when the words flow again.
not that anyone will actually notice. or care.
how tacky.
anyway luvya guys buhbye! -chele
can't you feel the beat?
7:50 AM
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
sigh, com studs. ah well, it's nicely mindless free slacking time actually.
in any case, i really need this time to finish up my farewell notes to the (choir) seniors.
it's too soon. 's unreasonable.
to me anyway. i'm being pointless, since the seniors really need this time to prepare for their exams.
why can't i just let go?
the tears that well up inside are more painful than those which sting and fall.
i honestly hate myself. i didn't try hard enough for my poetryprose anthology. i can't put away enough time to do my MoV annotations. and i keep wittering on about how much i just love lit. yeah, right. as if. someone who truly loved it would try harder.
i do. so why can't i try harder?
just started bio. don't ask me why, but it's the only decently interesting branch of science i've actually been through. and i'd started the year saying i'd hate bio. and finding that chem and physics is horrific. -.-" like wow.
oh good, it's over.
or not. the land of laughter and tears lies ahead.
can't you feel the beat?
11:14 PM
Friday, August 12, 2005
heyyo. hope you like my new blogskin. (: half of me is kinda embarassed by the peenk and the fluffiness, but essentially at least half of me is a very warm fuzzy person. draw your own conclusions.
actually, i'm not quite in the mood to really just squeal abt it (i know y'all are just breathing a sigh a relief at this - i suck when i squeal. badly suck.), but more to actually comment and to criticize.
the cause of this is kind of pointlessly simple and a bit stupid. basically they made us watch this short documentary called singapore gaga.
being me, i was less than thrilled. i mean, a docu? on singapore? and gaga?! like that even meant anything?
but surprisingly, it wasn't those kind of slickly smooth jobs i would be tempted to label propaganda. however, that is not quite true. but not even being truly singaporean, all i can say is that i can't quite make myself believe the unrealism as per shown in such shows. a utopia'll never truly exist, whatever, we say to ourselves.
but it goes much deeper than that, and i can't help saying i find it a work of art. it's true, these people are the ones who are such an innate parts of our daily lives, yet we never really notice them. they're just background noise to most of us as we strain our ears to catch the music, or rather our shallow comprehension of music. more often than not, this is the music, yet it's something we never notice. we are all too blind to notice what's in from of us. the difference between looking and seeing.
theres a certain bittersweet poignancy to it. these are the people nobody remember, yet should they one day be gone something would be changed. maybe it's because they have been in society for too long, the too familiar. the cruder side of society we try to forget. that we forget tehy are just like us. human. singaporean.
i really wish i didn't feel this or was even criticizing my host country, of which i'm not truly part of, but somehow i get this feeling when singaporeans get all hyped up for national day, and feel patriotic, they don't think of this at all when they think of their beloved singapore.
but i suspect this is human nature. we just can't help trying to block out the evil even though we know it'll never go away like that.
i think i've at least matured somewhat. i find i no longer look for just the superficially sweet side of life. that's good to know.
p.s.: the url's www.singaporegaga.com for the docu. nearly forgot. ^.^
can't you feel the beat?
6:53 AM
Sunday, August 07, 2005
new blog. yay! felt i needed that change for no reason.
somehow i need changes a lot, yet when it comes to saying goodbye to things and people I cling on to the familiar like mad. (how hypocritical.)
like now. i still can't believe choir concert's OVER. over!!! *slams head on desk* it's still too soon. i'm still in denial.
with all the practices all these past months. the shame and self-hatred when ms loo scolds us for not giving our best during combined pracs. trying to get our sectional item ready. lounging around and stoning while waiting for things to be sorted out. being giggly and high during medley pracs, and laughing at the very spontaneous "scenes" which spring up from the original script now and then. laughing at the original lines even if we've heard them a million times already. running back and forth and scrambling after our costumes and props from scene to scene.
let's see...
for absolutely no reason i bounced up in bed at 6 am on fri. the day before i'd woken up at least thrice that night. nuts.
a.m.: we all meet in CO room and practice a little before we board the bus. i freak out because i can't believe it's THE day of choir concert and comparing the time we think there is left till the performance with zan and stacey. tsktsk.
on the bus to ucc, things were, of course, insane. chanel taking pic of me takin pic of her etc., chanel and mich still singing and listening to that hey juliet song on chanel's ipod (screw you chanel!), secthrees singing busking item and last year's songs (how DO they do it?! i can't even rmb gloria...), people sleeping. i take (incriminating) pics of the sleeping ppl for the first time.
(my tenses are completely down the drain. nvm...)
after that, the tedious process of more tech rehearsals, which took quite some time. also trying to hop around in our choir gowns for out medley rehearsal, which was in a word horrible. also, the parquet floor of the backstage and wings was unbelievably freezing, and my feet kept freezing up badly. ugh. as zan and i joked, we didn't have much time to unfreeze our feet. (somehow mine did tho in the end. ^.^)
then there was about an hour of being crammed in an empty dressing room, say, 2/3 the size of a sec one classroom, practising our combined songs. of course, it wasn't a very uplifting experience (think cramped conditions, bad breath, voices ready to crack the windows etc.) but i really feel i needed that to sort out the wrinkles in my singing. yay ms loo! ms loo so rocks!!! otherwise i'd have sounded worse on stage. ><" and there was sectionals pracs. being me, i kept forgetting the movements. *headpalm* plus it's damn WEIRD to boss mich around lorh! lol... cher and xinzi, u guys so totally rock. without either of you, the whole sectional item would have been a washout. with guys, it's been a roaring success. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU. your enthusiasm and talent has really been our anchor and inspiration during these pracs and even on stage.
after that...gee, i guess it was a blur of sleeping people and my merciless phototaking of them and packed lunch and people crowding to buy olio dome cookies (i abstained! i abstained!) and pracs. and more pracs. but it was all awesome. even with the freezing floor.
during dinner, so many ppl were freaking out, losing their appetite and then abandoning their food. ><" take chao for example. but of course she was uber worried about her sectionals...poor thing. but i mean, how long does putting on makeup and changing into one's gown take?! that was all we needed to do. but yeah, had shuyu not been there with good sense, i would have lost my head too... -.-"
i must confess, i hadn't learnt how to put on makeup until fri. -.- really! i suck. but i think i didn't realli mess it up...?
aniwae, during the last few mins b4 showtime things really went into full swing and everyone was damn pitched up and hyper and emotional...madness. went around hugging almost everyone i could find. squee! and all the gift giving and the prayer by soomeh and everything...if i didn't have makeup on not to botch up, i'd have cried... it was just so touching...luvya guys!!
and everything went so well!
secfours, i don't know what we're going to do without you.
can't you feel the beat?
12:35 AM